rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
