Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My balls are so social today.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
