Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
