Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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