can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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