Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
