just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
