The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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