I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
