How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My dick has a subreddit
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
