If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
