You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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