Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
