Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
