Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize