Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
