she was so not down for the gang bang
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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