Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
