Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
