i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
