Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
