i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just googled if crying burns calories
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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