my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just want nice things and good sex
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
