hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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