Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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