In the future we'll all be gay
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
NoShamevember. You game?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
