The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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