There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
