Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
