If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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