did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize