Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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