The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
