Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
