did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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