True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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