Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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