would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
