Porn is love you can see.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
