oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
