Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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