i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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