youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
