we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My vagina is officially offended.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
