Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
