Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
