Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
