he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
