the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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