You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
