I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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