ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize