He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
