I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
