So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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