People with herpes should wear stickers.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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