Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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