I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I wear drunk well.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
