Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
