So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
