1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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