why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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