I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
