He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
