It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
