in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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