I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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