I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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