Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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