Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
