He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
