Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
