Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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