Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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