have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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