New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
