is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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