just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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