mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
