i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The police scanner is talking about you again....
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
