my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize