I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
