Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
