So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
