Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
