Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
