Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Your penis caused this!
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