Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
