someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
