my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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