i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
