I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
