Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
