What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
