I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
