Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
