if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
