Its about making memories worth repressing
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
