It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
