I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize