I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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