the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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